A few things I've learned about death...

We are all going to die.


Easy enough, I suppose. Everyone knows it but no one ever acts like it.
People spend so much time striving for what they think will make them happy and very little time actually being happy. Here's a secret...there's always gonna be something else. Once you get that thing that you've been working towards you'll realize that its not enough, it won't suffice, and you won't be happy til you have... It will never stop, you'll die before you get there. Remember, your days really are numbered. Don't put things off. If it makes you happy go for it, if it doesn't or doesn't anymore...well, go for something else.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound corny, cliche, and preachy. My apologies.

You will die just as you lived.


Over the past few weeks my family has been dealing with the death of my great grandmother. I say over the past few weeks because she didn't just die. It's been a process. She was dying, she died, and she's been dead. As I type my great grandmothers body rots in the morgue...still (she's been dead a little over two weeks now). Let me tell you why she's there; she treated people poorly, she left a trail of burned bridges everywhere she had ever been. And if you think people will miraculously have a change of heart when you're dying, you're  mistaken. I was mistaken.
When I got the news that my great grandmother was very sick and was dying I waited for plans to go see her to follow. They didn't. Then the idea that she was in a rundown hospice somewhere withering away, knowing that death was coming and no one was coming for her, to be with her, started eating me up inside. I decided I would go see her by myself, but my mother convinced me she was getting better, and not to go until she could go with me. She died two days later. There was no funeral, there were no tears. And my grandfather, her very own son still ignore the calls requesting permission to cremate her body. That's why she's still rotting in the morgue.
I know it's sad, but its a harsh reality I just learned for myself.

No one cares unless you're beautiful or dead...especially both.


I'm talking about the media, and the coverage on Whitney Houston's death. Seriously? CNN covered it as "breaking news" for nine straight hours...that I counted. Playing her greatest hits and video clips of her over and over, and giving the few details that they knew over and over. I was thinking, "Is there really nothing else happening? Did the world just stop?" I can name a number of other things that happened, but I won't bore you with that. Lucky you. But let me tell you one story that didn't make headlines that happened right here in LA. A teenage boy killed himself by jumping off the roof of his high school in front of all his classmates. Now, losing Whitney is sad. But the idea that this young boy was so hopeless that he took his own life, that's really sad.
But she was beautiful and she was dead. And she was Whitney Houston.

The American Dream: Dead or Alive

Last week, back home, over kitchen talk (conversation that happens while scavenging through the kitchen for something edible) my sister was talking about her friend. This friend had been fighting with her parents because she wanted to go away for college and her parents want her to stay home and go to community college or the local university. I too have had quite a few friends that had that same conflict with their parents, some of which did end up staying home.

I say, "I don't know why people wouldn't want to send their kids to college. That's part of the 'American Dream' isn't it? Two kids, a house in the suburbs, family vacations, sending your kids to college..."
And my Dad says, "Well the American Dream has changed." What he was saying is that people can't afford it anymore and that there is a new, lower, standard (I could argue for different reasons that parents don't want their kids to leave, but I won't, because for the most part money is it).

But is that really what's going on here? Do people really not want those things anymore? Or are they just no longer attainable? If you ask me the American Dream is alive and kickin'...and it is, for all intents and purposes, just a dream. We aren't living it. And many of us will never live it.

It is predicted that the majority of my generation will take years, maybe even decades longer to become homeowners (if we become home owners at all) than our parents. (I won't get into the details of why this is so, it's complicated. I encourage you to do the research).

I think maybe what my Dad meant was not that the American Dream has actually changed, but that people have settled. People have settled for paying rent instead of mortgages, food on the table instead of groceries in the fridge, jobs instead of careers.

I think I'd rather the American Dream be dead, or even changed, than alive and taunting us.
What do you think?

SMH (Shake My Head)

When I think about my generation (my peers, my friends, my classmates, my peeps), all I can do is shake my head.

Not the head shake you give when you see someone ridiculously dressed walking down the street. And not the head shake you give a three-year-old imitating an inappropriate dance from a music video.

I'm talking about the head shake you give without rolling your eyes or a grin on your face. I’m talking about the truly disappointed, honestly desperate and sincerely disturbed shake of the head.

The head shake you give when you're sitting in a class and the professor asks, "Who can name three Republican presidential candidates?" and there's only 6 hands raised in the class of 150.

The head shake you give when you complain to a classmate about the tuition increases for next semester and they respond, "That sucks, but I don't really give a damn. I'm graduating this semester".

The head shake you give when Obama pulled the troops out of Iraq and sent troops to Uganda (reverse that order). And when the NDAA was passed, (National Defense Authorization Act, which gave the federal government the right to indefinitely detain U.S. citizens without a trial, for those of you still trying to catch up). And there are protests and genocide and children starving all over the world, yet trending topics on twitter include but are not limited to: #ReplaceMovieTitleWithHoe, #ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage, and #AmberCole.

(Those all really happened in case you’re wondering)

Where do I even start? When did we become so uninformed, so so selfish, and so so so careless?

We can blame it on social networks and reality TV and advertisements and the news. We can blame it on cell phones and iPods and computers. We can blame it on our parents and teachers and even each other.

 But at some point we have to take responsibility for ourselves (I included). We have to know and we have to care. One day we will have to be responsible for our own lives, and our children’s, and more importantly our world.

 And I fear that day. That’s why I shake my head.